Strange things can happen when you “unfollow” your own status update on BookFace. I tried it as an experiment. Here is a transcript. Word for word.
Cue the theme for The Twilight Zone:
This morning I’m at work getting ready for my day . My usual routine involves some stretching and then kind of a centering thing for like a good 15 minutes (yes, there’s a little room I treat like a zendo). I come out with my head more or less straight and ready for the typically challenging technical mumbo jumbo for the day. But you don’t give a rat’s ass about that ‘cause it isn’t funny. My bad.
Ahem. So this morning I’m at work getting ready for my day. I come across my buddy Manny who handles all the facilities stuff. He and his team are rolling a whole bunch of chairs and a table on its side.
Me: Great chair migration? I always suspected they travelled in herds like that.
Manny: Yeah, we’ve got to keep them all together. Don’t want any strays. That and we’re getting a big meeting room ready.
Me: I like my story better.
Manny: You’re one of the lucky ones I guess.
I love the gang I work with. Even when they totally don’t get me they totally get me.
What the hell kind of post starts like that? One of mine apparently. I mean how messed up do you need to be to hold your balls like that at work? Everybody knows that you’re supposed to grip them by the husk.
You know, there are a lot of times when I think that there’s more to me doing my job than being really flippin weird. Then I remember that’s actually a quality, not really a core thing but definitely one of those things that helps. Yeah yeah yeah, you can work to a spec, a written document that says what something’s supposed to do. It takes the real whackjob to turn it on its side and say “yeah, but if I do this it turns to smoking rubble” and we all stroke our chins and go… aww hell. Then some knucklehead will go “yeah, but who would do that?” The savvy product manager will reply: “that guy.” So it’s one thing to make sure something works. It’s quite another to do that and then attack it. I love how being truly screwed up is an asset.
So holding my balls at work. Should I explain that? Nah. I just love that MS Wurd has underlined that initial sentence with a green underline thingie hinting “hey, uhm, this is all kinds of nonsensical and shit” and I nod to where Clippy would typically be (yes, there’s an imaginary Clippy in my mind. Shut up and stop judging) and I whisper “shhhh, yes, enjoy the ride.”
The answer: the balls make for a great back & arm muscle massager during break times. That and I can say, “Here, hold my balls.”